Tag: humor
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Ol’ Dirty Bird, Pigeon
A story of persistence Source: Wikimedia Commons [Read this essay in David Attenborough’s voice] The biggest slut of the animal kingdom is the male pigeon. If you have ever sat in a park, you know what I’m talking about. A classy female pigeon is pecking at the ground, minding her own business, when a horny…
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High Flying Flight of the Conchords
When dreams give you the stuff of your dreams Source: Wikimedia Commons I awoke at 4:20 AM today, 4/20, having just enjoyed the most amazing dream, courtesy of nighttime cough syrup. Starring Jemaine Clement, from the music/comedy duo Flight of the Conchords, it was downright magical. We were working an event together at a hotel.…
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Say what you will about evil people
Just don’t call them lazy Source: Wikimedia Commons Evil people, while being ethically and morally in the wrong, making generally unattractive and ill-tempered companions, and being counter-productive to God’s great plan, are exceptionally hard workers. There’s a lot to be said for that. Employers look for that quality in job candidates. The willingness to work…
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Coffee or Bacteria Brew?
Source: Wikimedia Commons I read an article that said airplane coffee is basically made with toilet water. I was so disgusted I went a whole flight without drinking any coffee on a plane. But then I figured, coffee is brown anyway. Once you add cream and sugar, you can’t tell it was brewed in a…
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The Problematic Popularity of Frozen
A perpetually perplexing phenomenon Source: Wikimedia Commons In November of 2013, years before I had a child, I played hooky from work to watch “Frozen” in the theater. I have a long history of enjoying children’s films, from “Madagascar” to “Pokémon.” I left the theater underwhelmed and have only become increasingly disgruntled about the film’s…
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Dating App Observations
A purely scientific review Source: Wikimedia Commons No one could have foretold that the saying, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,” would one day apply to dating apps. In fact, this is their target audience. Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that sea is actually a cesspool. Case…
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I’ve Got Some Number of Problems
But salt ain’t one Source: Wikimedia Commons I’m not as concerned with sodium as health authorities want me to be. Not my doctor, by the way, but rather social justice warriors who take it upon themselves to spread anti-sodium propaganda. Everyone is so worried about sodium. How much sodium is in that? Don’t want to…
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Cleansing Vomit for You
Death to a horse Source: Wikimedia Commons Did you know that a horse can’t vomit? If a horse gets sick, it’s game over. Each weekend when you pick up your first drink, you agree to accept vomiting as the outcome. You know the likelihood that you will drink to excess and end up puking on…
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On Dinosaurs and Change
The old and the new Source: Wikimedia Commons After hundreds of years of us believing dinosaurs to look and behave a certain way, scientists are suddenly pulling the rug out from under us and saying, “Maybe these creatures actually had feathers. Maybe they sang instead of roared. Maybe they were blue and purple rather than…
A Flick of the Pen 