Tag: nonfiction
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Ol’ Dirty Bird, Pigeon
A story of persistence Source: Wikimedia Commons [Read this essay in David Attenborough’s voice] The biggest slut of the animal kingdom is the male pigeon. If you have ever sat in a park, you know what I’m talking about. A classy female pigeon is pecking at the ground, minding her own business, when a horny…
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Butt Stuff
But not the stuff you’re thinking of Source: Wikimedia Commons In my experience, when you go to the Emergency Room with anal bleeding, it’s best to have something sticking out your back door. Something that points to the obvious, like an empty Coke bottle. Are you familiar with this urban legend, which has in all…
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Unlovable
The solitary life Source: Wikimedia Commons I walk a lonely path. My parents lost interest in me when I developed my own opinions at fourteen. I couldn’t convince my husband to treat me with the dignity and kindness every human deserves. Other people failed me along the way as I looked for love and support…
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Coffee or Bacteria Brew?
Source: Wikimedia Commons I read an article that said airplane coffee is basically made with toilet water. I was so disgusted I went a whole flight without drinking any coffee on a plane. But then I figured, coffee is brown anyway. Once you add cream and sugar, you can’t tell it was brewed in a…
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Dating App Observations
A purely scientific review Source: Wikimedia Commons No one could have foretold that the saying, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,” would one day apply to dating apps. In fact, this is their target audience. Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that sea is actually a cesspool. Case…
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Crushing 2023
Prepare to be inspired AF Source: Wikimedia Commons In the game of Life, you are the protagonist. The plot: move amongst several billion non-playable characters. The goal: to reach your death with a modicum of integrity and dignity left. The final stage boss is God, of course, who will tally the points you accrued over…
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I’ve Got Some Number of Problems
But salt ain’t one Source: Wikimedia Commons I’m not as concerned with sodium as health authorities want me to be. Not my doctor, by the way, but rather social justice warriors who take it upon themselves to spread anti-sodium propaganda. Everyone is so worried about sodium. How much sodium is in that? Don’t want to…
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Cleansing Vomit for You
Death to a horse Source: Wikimedia Commons Did you know that a horse can’t vomit? If a horse gets sick, it’s game over. Each weekend when you pick up your first drink, you agree to accept vomiting as the outcome. You know the likelihood that you will drink to excess and end up puking on…
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On Dinosaurs and Change
The old and the new Source: Wikimedia Commons After hundreds of years of us believing dinosaurs to look and behave a certain way, scientists are suddenly pulling the rug out from under us and saying, “Maybe these creatures actually had feathers. Maybe they sang instead of roared. Maybe they were blue and purple rather than…
A Flick of the Pen 