Tag: nonfiction
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On the Pole/Off the Pole
You know how it’s every parent’s worst nightmare that their daughter will hit the pole? Well, not my parents; they weren’t of an opinion one way or the other. But someone’s parents feared that potential outcome. I couldn’t personally dance with a stripper pole. With my germaphobia? That piece of metal is the same as…
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Herding Cats Has Got Nothing on Herding Toddlers
We’re all familiar with the phrase “herding cats,” oft used in the business world to describe a difficult group to manage. As the parent of a toddler, I submit we change this phrase to “herding toddlers.” Even a single toddler is nigh impossible to manage. I’ll solve your cat problem right now: simply walk in…
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More $s for More Zs
In support of the power nap I wish the power nap — or better yet, the afternoon siesta — was part of the American culture. I know some tech companies have nap pods onsite, but the concept of napping really isn’t celebrated in this country. It’s a shame. Capped at thirty minutes, the power nap isn’t quite sufficient for me.…
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Rising Like a Phoenix
But sleepy as a sloth When I was 18, the thought of turning 40 was the worst thing I could imagine. But then I reached 40, and now even that is in my rearview mirror. So, while it doesn’t feel cool to be in my 40s, there’s only one alternative: the grave. Guess I’ll take…
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From Luddite to Tech Wizard
In five short years No one would have foreseen me going into the tech field, least of all me. This was not a straight path. In high school I signed up for “Keyboarding” because I wanted to learn how to play an instrument. Turns out, it was a touch-typing class. I was like, “Guys, the…
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Creepy Crawlies
If you live in the burbs, you live with bugs. When I resided on the 48th floor of an apartment building in Manhattan, I saw nary a bug. Not so much as a spider hiding out in the corner. If I had ever actually seen a ladybug, I would have thrown it a miniature parade,…
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Lost in Thought
I took a personality test that asked me, “Do you tend to get lost in your thoughts when hiking in the woods?” I was like, “Duh!” If you’re not lost in thought while lost in the woods, then what the hell are you doing? The nature of this question is freaking me out. It implies…
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Rando in NJ
Antithesis to Emily in Paris I’m watching an episode of Emily in Paris on Netflix when I discover I’ve got sticky onion jam smeared under my chin from my sandwich at lunch half an hour ago. I’m wearing an $8 Target t-shirt with denim shorts, and I’ve got bags under my eyes from being so…
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The Real Reason Behind the Fall of Icarus
Let me get this straight, Icarus — we’re to believe that you were smart enough to design a way to fly of your own volition, but stupid enough to fly “too close” to the sun? Uh-uh. I’m not buying that story. Something else went down. A mistake so foolish and easily avoided that you decided to blame…
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Gaslit by Toddlers and Robots
After my 3.5-year-old used the toilet and flushed, I instructed her to wash her hands. “Why?” she said. “I didn’t touch anything.” “You just touched the toilet handle,” I said. She responded, without missing a beat: “It’s an automatic toilet.” My overly confident child thought she could convince me that we have fancy, self-flushing toilets.…
A Flick of the Pen 