A Flick of the Pen

I was supposed to meet a colleague at the cafeteria. I looked across the room and thought to myself, “There she is! I’d recognize that long blonde hair anywhere.”

But as I approached, I realized it was a poster. Featuring a plate of spaghetti. That’s when I learned my eyesight isn’t 20/20. But, since no one was harmed in that case of mistaken identity, I choose not to wear glasses. I’ll just keep mistaking pasta for people and vice versa.

You know how if you’re a nervous presenter, they recommend you picturing the audience in their underwear? 

Surprisingly, not helpful! 

Because in that scenario, I’m still the odd one out. Everyone else is in their underwear, meanwhile I’m wayyy overdressed. 

Plus, that scenario, of one, standing, clothed person surrounded by seated people in their underwear only has two outcomes: a terrible college hazing that will surely end in someone’s demise or a human sacrifice is about to go down. 

In college when I had to give my first presentation, I jokingly informed my class that they were now all in their underwear. It was crickets from my fellow students, who clearly had NO idea what I was talking about. But my quick-witted professor blurted out: “Glad I’m wearing clean underwear today!” 

But, Professor, don’t you wear clean underwear every day? I hope? 

All of this is to say, I don’t want to improve my eyesight. If I’m speaking before an audience, it’s best if they appear as plates of spaghetti. It’ll make me hungry, for sure, but not at all nervous.