Ol’ Dirty Bird, Pigeon

A story of persistence

Source: Wikimedia Commons

[Read this essay in David Attenborough’s voice]

The biggest slut of the animal kingdom is the male pigeon. If you have ever sat in a park, you know what I’m talking about.

A classy female pigeon is pecking at the ground, minding her own business, when a horny male pigeon comes up and starts macking on her. He’s stretching his neck, puffing his feathers out, cooing suggestively (in a tone that makes me uncomfortable, frankly).

The woman keeps walking away, completely ignoring that bowing, cooing horndog. But he persists. “I love you, baby. You’re the only girl for me, you know that.”

Eventually she tires of being sexually harassed and flies away. You almost feel bad for the guy, seeing as how he just got rejected in front of an audience — me, all these other people sitting on benches, other pigeons, and roaming squirrels.

But don’t for one second feel bad for this guy, because he immediately sets his sights on the next pigeon, gets right up on her tail, and begins the whole routine again. Shameful. Yet, inspiring. He knows if he keeps at it, eventually someone will cave, and his average genes will propagate.

The moral of this story is that you don’t have to be the best looking, the fastest runner, the highest jumper, the most quick-witted — it’s all about taking shots on goal. All day, every day you must endeavor to get the puck in the net. Whatever your goal, persistence is key.

Just, hopefully, it’s for a more noble goal than that of the horny male pigeon.

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