A Flick of the Pen

Dear Lord, please let me go to prison. At Camp Cupcake. For a wholesome crime, like mail fraud. The upside is free room and board, with gym privileges. The downside is having a room mate, which isn’t ideal for a forty-eight-year-old who has been independent since the age of 16. But at least I’ll always have a spotter when I’m pumping iron in the jail yard.

Thanks to Wellbutrin, I’m looking at the bright side of things. I only have enough money to cover one more round of bills – rent, car lease, etc – before I lose everything and have to start living out of the aforementioned car.

I’ve been laid off twice since 2023. The first time, it was just two months after I got divorced and became a single mom. It took 14 months to land another job. In the meantime, after unemployment benefits dried up, I had to drain my 401k to survive. Then I got hit by the IRS with massive taxes in April of last year and this year, as a penalty for using my 401k.

The only jobs I’ve been able to secure since that first layoff have been contracts. These don’t pay as well, come with no benefits, and unfortunately always have an end date.

So now that I’m facing living out of my car, it has forced a shift in perspective. I’m trying to be zen about my circumstances. Which would you choose, living in the back seat of a car or prison?

Before you answer, here’s one more thing to consider: the only role AI isn’t coming for is Prisoner. That’s job security right there!