A Flick of the Pen

For the love of bamboo, just let us go

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Citizens of the world: listen up. We’re tired of you meddling in our affairs. Stop caring for us in zoos and artificially inseminating us to keep our species alive.

We do everything we can to communicate that we don’t wish to keep living. Yet, you keep intervening. Take a hint, people!

We don’t roar, maul, or defend our babies like other bears. We only eat bamboo which provides no nutritional value whatsoever, hence why we are perpetually oh-so-sleepy, keep toppling over, and have no sex drive.

We’ve got the benefit of four legs but can’t be bothered to stand. We’re the clumsiest animals of all time, which doesn’t help us feel physically attracted to each other. Neither does our perpetually dirty butts.

Seriously, give up the cause, people. Let us go quietly into oblivion.