A Flick of the Pen

Channeling abundance

Photo courtesy of the author

When my life went full throttle this year, I referred to 2023 as my “YOLO” year. My younger sister implored me to never use this term again (point taken, Sis — I have grossly overused it), so I began calling it the year of yes. It marks the start of my saying “Yes!” to more adventures and taking risks. When I started living fearlessly. When I decided not to let my divorce and subsequent layoff from my job send me into a panic.

I took the money I received from my ex-husband when he bought me out of my share of our assets and used it to fund a carefree lifestyle. For the first time, I chased experiences, did everything on my terms, and I’ve never enjoyed greater energy, optimism, enthusiasm, or a sense of my own competence.

Between February and September, I traveled to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Palm Springs, Austin, Atlanta (twice), Rhode Island (thrice), Asheville, Montauk, and Belize. I invested in myself, in my relationships with my chosen family, and in developing a relationship with my exceptional new life partner. I earned my certification in Instructional Design along the way and am now in the process of researching a new business idea.

Let me take a few steps back to provide a summary of this year’s most impactful learnings.

In January, I reached out to an old crush on LinkedIn. Dean is someone I’d known twenty years ago. It had been clear back then that we had chemistry, but I didn’t act on it at the time because I was married.

Was Dean still single? Would he be interested in meeting up when I came out to LA in February to visit my sister? It turned out the answer to both questions was yes.

Dean and I started talking on the phone for four hours every day. It was so disruptive to our daily responsibilities and sleep schedules, we scaled back to every other day. We had fascinating conversations about spirituality, history, geography, travel, and creativity. We made each other laugh. We are both vegetarian and have similar spiritual values which include an interest in meditating, silent retreats, and yoga. I was certain he was The One.

I extended my LA trip in order to spend five days in Palm Springs with Dean, certain I would return home in a committed relationship. Certain that once his responsibilities in the Los Angeles area wrapped up, he would move to the east coast to be with me.

Dean’s motto is that each of us is whole, perfect, and complete. Which sounds refreshingly progressive. After spending those five days together, I returned home waiting for him to tell me he was madly in love with me. Instead, he told me that I am too overweight. That he has never dated anyone more than five pounds above their ideal weight. Not only was this humiliating to hear, but it was especially maddening considering that he had had sex with me five times before choosing to tell me I’m too fat for him.

Guess he couldn’t extend his motto about each of us inherently being perfect to me? Of course, I knew with certainty that I am whole, perfect, and complete. determined to find someone who adores me, I ended things with him.

My most important learning from Dean — which made this whole experience worthwhile — was that he encouraged me to channel abundance. To manifest a mindset of abundance rather than a deficit. I have been doing exactly this. And that’s what prevents fear from taking over.

I moved on, seeking a compatible love interest on the dating apps. After plowing through a lot of garbage, I found a few gems. Suddenly, as the song goes, it was raining men. I found myself dating three quality people: a Bengali police officer, a Guyanese businessman, and a Peruvian artist. I was enjoying life to its fullest, splitting my time between these gentlemen.

Sam, who I wrote about several months ago, turned out to be a palate cleanser. He was wonderful. But, when I realized I was in love with Mallet, the artist, I was all in.

For our first date, I invited Mallet to make smores with me on Governor’s Island, a peaceful oasis just off the southernmost tip of Manhattan. This was just three days after we began chatting on the dating app. He said “Yes!” and joined me for a most wholesome evening. We kept hanging out regularly after that.

Even before obtaining a commitment from Mallet or having the “boyfriend/girlfriend” discussion, I told the other two gentlemen that I had entered a monogamous relationship. They wished me well and moved on.

Mallet learned he was my boyfriend when he came to watch me perform stand-up. I announced to a room full of strangers that my boyfriend was in the audience. He didn’t disown the label.

This special man has had a profound impact on my life. Mallet is one part philosopher, one part bad boy, and two parts gentleman. He is a wild card. For the longest time I didn’t know what to expect from him, which was quite thrilling. The one thing I can always count on is that he prioritizes my safety and well-being.

Amazingly, Mallet speaks all five love languages. He walks on my outside, to protect me from passing cars. He carries everything for me — groceries, luggage, even my takeout bag. He opens car doors for me. He is generous with physical affection, words of affirmation, and acts of service. He is the most compatible partner I could ever hope for. He is incredibly interesting, delightful, funny, and sexy. First and foremost, we are best friends; everything else stems from that perfect starting point.

I enjoy watching Mallet’s creative process unfold as he conceives of a new art project and describes the supplies he needs and how he plans to use them.

An unforeseen benefit is the inspiration he has given me to pursue creative outlets I haven’t considered since my school days. My long dormant artistic side has returned bringing with it a tidal wave of ideas. I have been stocking up on art supplies and creating mixed media pieces.

Having performed stand-up comedy at open mics in NYC over the past year, I lost interest in that particular form of expression. Now that I am content in a healthy relationship, it makes me feel less inclined to seek approval from an audience. It’s possible I will feel compelled to perform again someday, but for now, I am tapping into these other creative outlets that weren’t accessible to me before.

Now that the summer is over, I will likely slow down a bit. Travel less. Dial down the spontaneity a smidgen. The important thing is that my cup runneth over with love, friendship, and creativity. I can’t wait to see what the rest of 2023 brings.