Say what you will about evil people

Just don’t call them lazy

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Evil people, while being ethically and morally in the wrong, making generally unattractive and ill-tempered companions, and being counter-productive to God’s great plan, are exceptionally hard workers.

There’s a lot to be said for that. Employers look for that quality in job candidates. The willingness to work hard is, in and of itself, an intrinsically good attribute.

Did you ever notice a pattern in films like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, that in the early stages of the plot the villain will sternly advise his minions: “We have work to do.” (And by “we” I mean you, is the part he leaves out).

I wouldn’t remain in that boss’s employment. I lack the work ethic to support their grand vision. Nothing but nothing is coming between me and my eight hours of sleep and my weekends. So, I would accept the check from Saruman for $2,000 to leave after my first two weeks, like Zappos offers employees to ensure they retain only the most dedicated workers.

Yet, for some reason, the minions unfailingly maintain their allegiance to this cruel dictator who makes them work so hard, while simultaneously undervaluing and demeaning them. So, they’re not in it to climb the corporate ladder, but neither are they in it for the money. As far as I know, none of the Storm Troopers or orcs received paychecks, or were even given stock options in their respective evil empires.

I’d way rather be on the good side, because even though we have to work, too, our bosses recognize the necessity of
making time to play (or at least pretend to care). It’s called “work-life balance.” While our evil counterparts are slaving away in some dark, dreary, OSHA-violating environment, the good guys take time out from the daily grind to dance up a storm in Zion, enjoy a fresh-cooked breakfast amongst Hobbit friends on the mountainside, and woo that special love interest.

Which is precisely why the bad guys always – at some point in the movie – catch the good guys with their pants down (literally and/or figuratively), because evil never clocks out. I bet they don’t even get a coffee break.

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