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Ol’ Dirty Bird, Pigeon
A story of persistence Source: Wikimedia Commons [Read this essay in David Attenborough’s voice] The biggest slut of the animal kingdom is the male pigeon. If you have ever sat in a park, you know what I’m talking about. A classy female pigeon is pecking at the ground, minding her own business, when a horny…
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High Flying Flight of the Conchords
When dreams give you the stuff of your dreams Source: Wikimedia Commons I awoke at 4:20 AM today, 4/20, having just enjoyed the most amazing dream, courtesy of nighttime cough syrup. Starring Jemaine Clement, from the music/comedy duo Flight of the Conchords, it was downright magical. We were working an event together at a hotel.…
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Say what you will about evil people
Just don’t call them lazy Source: Wikimedia Commons Evil people, while being ethically and morally in the wrong, making generally unattractive and ill-tempered companions, and being counter-productive to God’s great plan, are exceptionally hard workers. There’s a lot to be said for that. Employers look for that quality in job candidates. The willingness to work…
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Butt Stuff
But not the stuff you’re thinking of Source: Wikimedia Commons In my experience, when you go to the Emergency Room with anal bleeding, it’s best to have something sticking out your back door. Something that points to the obvious, like an empty Coke bottle. Are you familiar with this urban legend, which has in all…
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Unlovable
The solitary life Source: Wikimedia Commons I walk a lonely path. My parents lost interest in me when I developed my own opinions at fourteen. I couldn’t convince my husband to treat me with the dignity and kindness every human deserves. Other people failed me along the way as I looked for love and support…
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Coffee or Bacteria Brew?
Source: Wikimedia Commons I read an article that said airplane coffee is basically made with toilet water. I was so disgusted I went a whole flight without drinking any coffee on a plane. But then I figured, coffee is brown anyway. Once you add cream and sugar, you can’t tell it was brewed in a…
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The Problematic Popularity of Frozen
A perpetually perplexing phenomenon Source: Wikimedia Commons In November of 2013, years before I had a child, I played hooky from work to watch “Frozen” in the theater. I have a long history of enjoying children’s films, from “Madagascar” to “Pokémon.” I left the theater underwhelmed and have only become increasingly disgruntled about the film’s…
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Dating App Observations
A purely scientific review Source: Wikimedia Commons No one could have foretold that the saying, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,” would one day apply to dating apps. In fact, this is their target audience. Sure, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that sea is actually a cesspool. Case…
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Crushing 2023
Prepare to be inspired AF Source: Wikimedia Commons In the game of Life, you are the protagonist. The plot: move amongst several billion non-playable characters. The goal: to reach your death with a modicum of integrity and dignity left. The final stage boss is God, of course, who will tally the points you accrued over…
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A Flick of the Pen 